Saturday, November 19, 2005

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I haven't read the book in four-ish years, so what they cut out is a little fuzzy, but everything I remember happening in the book, happened in the movie, so I was well content.

All the stuff with the ball was absolutely great. When they're first told and all the girls get excited and all the boys start grumbling and looking around in annoyance. It's perfect! The actually ball was absolutely lovely to watch, all the pretty reds and such. And oh my god! Jarvis Cocker was in it! Why did no one tell me of this!?!

It just all really felt real. This is how teenagers act!

All those kids really know how to act, except in the one scene where Dan Radcliffe has to show actual emotions. I just didn't believe his crying at all, and that just really took me out of the moment. That part was awfully annoying. But then Jeff Rawle started screaming and crying, and that part broke my heart.

No one broke my heart like Neville (Matthew Lewis). He was just so adorable! Everything Neville does makes me happy, and I really like how they gave him a slightly bigger role in this movie than in the book. He's starting to look... well, nice.

Tom Felton is also starting to look a little dashing, especially in a suit. But I probably shouldn't be talking about kids who are younger than me. So, uh, how about that Alan Rickman? He was hilarious. He had about three scenes, but he was brilliant in every single one of them. It's incredible how he can just express so much with just a tilt of the head.

Well, I could go on and on (especially about the dragon scene, that was awesome!), but in the end all you need to know is that this movie is worth seeing, so go see it!

Friday, November 18, 2005

A History of Violence

It's probably wrong that I was turned on by this movie, but so I was.

Hottest angry sex I have EVER seen.

Viggo Mortensen was beyond hot, and yeah, acting good too. And oh my god could he kick some ass! AND we get to see his bum. *Dissolves into puddle of goo*

Ok, this is starting to sound less and less like a review.

The movie was great. Never a dull moment, though a few where I had to wince. When they put the word 'violence' in a movie title, one should expect violence.

Ashton Holmes was pretty good in the movie, awfully cute, though a bit of a pussy (except for that one scene at the school... that was hot). William Hurt was incredible! His reactions to everything were TOO funny. "How could you fuck that up!?!" But he was only in the movie for, like, half an hour. That made me sad. Same thing with Ed Harris, absolutely incredible, but not a whole lot of him.

I could have lived without the daughter. Her cuteness made me want to vomit, and she looked nothing like her parents. How do two (beautiful) people with high cheek bones produce a bleach blonde child with pudgy cheeks? Does not make sense people! Unless Maria Bello was sleeping around... But who sleep around on Viggo Mortensen!?!

Ok, this review has no substance at all. I should stop writing.

P.S. Go see this movie.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Despite the fact that I still can't seem to pronounce this movie ("Thasura?"), I absolutely adored it.

Yes, yes, it's a kid movie, but it was still great! The story was fun, the effects very cool, and Dax Shepard DOES have gorgeous eyes! I think I liked it better than Jumanji, but that's just because I'm a bit of a space nut.

One thing I did not like (as much) was the ending. The best word I can use to describe it was 'smoke'. I could see it, I could even smell it, but I just didn't feel it. And it kinda came out of nowhere, but I suppose it was a neat little twist... if not slightly disturbing.

The other thing was that I couldn't quite connect with the theme. Brotherhood and all that, I have a lot of sisters, we work a lot differently. So that was a little lost on me (not that I didn't get it, it just didn't speak to me).

If I had a rating system, I'd probably give it a perfect score... or perhaps I'd take half a mark for the ending... but honestly, I loved this movie. Made me feel like a kid again.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Saw II

I figured my Hollowe'en wouldn't be complete without a scary movie, so I wrangled together some friends and we went to see Saw II. Not exactly the scariest movie out there, but it certainly did make me squeamish. The tagline ("Oh yes... there will be blood.") certainly did a good job of summing it up.

The movie took a little while to get off the ground, and I was getting a little impatient. I really liked how in Saw the story just jump-started and you discovered all the little things through flashbacks. This one had flashbacks from scenes that had happened not five minutes previously and portrayed them in a seizure-inducing flash of lights and sounds. They were unnecessary, except for the extremely stupid I suppose.

The story itself was rather interesting, and although a few things were blatantly obvious (their connection, etc) nothing important was obvious, though there was a slight nagging in the back of your mind: "Hey, what is going on here?" I also liked the link back to Saw (ever wonder just what did happen to Adam?)

It lacked character development on a whole. A few characters you got glimpses of understanding from, but people like Obi were never really explained, and seemed to hinder the movie more than anything. "Oh no he's evil! But... uh... what?"

Yeah, I liked it. I just really wished it hadn't been geared towards stupid people so much. That was massively annoying...

Saturday, October 1, 2005


One word describes this movie quite well: 'Shiny'

This movie was absolutely wonderful, and far more incredible and indepth than the show ever was - and the show was absolutely fantastic, so that's saying something quite profound. After seeing this as a movie, I don't think I could go back to watching it on a small screen. Firefly belongs in a theatre.

Everyone should go see this movie, even if you haven't seen the show and especially if you have. The writing was absolutely incredible (I laughed and cried all in the same scene) and the acting just as good. Nathan Fillion especially was completely believable as Mal - dark, brooding Captain of Serenity (who could kick Han Solo's ass in a bar fight any day). Summer Glau was equally good, almost too good... creepy even.

The movie was far creepier than I thought it would be. When I heard we'd be able to see Reavers (cannibals who live on the outskirts of the solar system) I was beyond excited - and then I did see them and just wanted them to leave because they're just so CREEPY! And when they're flying by and all they can hear is screams on the radio *shudder*. Too fucking creepy man. I'm with Jayne on this one, Reavers just ain't right.

Now, there was something about this movie that really pissed me off, not that it made the movie bad or anything... but grr, did it make me mad. I don't wanna give anything away, so all I'll say is: Why Joss!?! WHY!?!

P.S. Han Solo didn't shoot Greedo, Mal Reynolds did!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Corpse Bride

The most important thing I can say about Corpse Bride is that it isn't The Nightmare Before Christmas. That being said, don't expect it to be because you will be sadly disappointed, not to say that the movie isn't good, it just isn't The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Back to that point about it being a good movie, it was. However, it was not perfect. For starters the movies ran about 70 minutes, which left little time for character development or real story. The movie seemed to sweep by in the flash of the eye and by the time it ended you had no idea why anyone had done anything that they had done... Make sense?

The other unfortunate thing about the movie was the fact that it was a musical. I love musicals, so don't get me wrong when I say this. The problem with this musical was that the music sucked. I mean really, I didn't like a single song (except the piano pieces, but that just doesn't count). Not only did I dislike the music, but half the time the songs sounded like the Oompa Loompa songs (which is understandible seeing he was probably scoring both movies at the same time).

However, like I said, the movie was really good, so when it comes to a theater near you, go see it.

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Sky High

For the most part people are passing this movie of as just another kids movie, and for the most part people will be correct - however, this movie was also made for comic book fans of all ages. There were a dozen jokes me and my friends were the only ones laughing.

Was this the most predictable movie in the world? Well... yes; and it was in fact X-Men meets Harry Potter. In fact, it was basically just your average high school movie, only all the teenagers had super powers. Still, I really liked this movie, because it was really funny. I'm sure most people would like it even if they weren't a kid or liked comic books.

On a more personal note: Steven Strait is very hot - albeit a tad too young for me, but just by a few months really! *Looks around nervously and laughs*

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The Island

I was soooo determined to hate this movie, I mean you have no idea. I saw all the previews for this movie, and putting all three of those previews together, everything that happened in this movie was absolutely ruined for me. So in that aspect, yeah, I really hated this movie, but then Sonya yelled and me and made me think things over a bit, and I've come to the conclusion that it actually was a pretty good movie - especially when you don't know what happens. (Don't you just hate spoilers? Doesn't it just make you wanna rip a certain someone's jugular out?)

There were still a few things about the movie that bothered me, like the complete un-originality of it. It was Logan's Run meets 1984, meets Bad Boys, coupled with a direct rip-off of the bike scene from Return of the Jedi. The direction was... okay at best. The lighting was very pretty, but Michael Bay has a certain fondness for moving the camera around - A LOT - so half the time I felt like I was having a seizure. Some scenes were impossible to watch. For example, the only two things the previews didn't ruin were how they escaped, and how they survived falling off the building, and after seeing the film I still have no idea how they pulled that one off!

So yeah, go see it, because it was a lot of fun, and the second Ewan McGregor starts smiling and speaking in an Scottish accent... well... *trails off into gibberish*

Wedding Crashers

I really didn't think this movie was going to be very good, and the only real reason I wanted to see it in the first place was because Vince Vaughn was in it, but I couldn't believe how funny it actually was. For a good half-hour straight the theatre was just non-stop laughing.

Now, of course all movies can't be great. The last half-hour of this movie was rather... slow, boring even. In fact, the movie could have done better to have simply cut to the last five minutes, which were also very funny (I really doubt anyone would have noticed the missing plot, being that the movie was just a runaway idea about sleeping with chicks at weddings).

So, if you want a good laugh, go see this movie, especially if you wanna see a lot of tits in the first few minutes.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I've been having a hard time putting what I thought about this movie into words. The two words that seem to come to mind the most are: "Overly Trippy"

Yes, I liked this movie, but by the end of it I wasn't sure if I was still sane. It was like having one of the worst trips of your life, and all the time dealing with the fact that you are sober. When the Oompa Loompas came out, I thought I would have a heart attack.

All-in-all the movie was good, and very funny, and I was quite impressed with the sceneries and effects (though very disappointed that Willy Wonka's rant got cut out - you know there one: "There's no earthly way of knowing / Which direction we are going / There's no knowing where we're rowing / Or which way the river's flowing / Is it raining? / Is it snowing? / Is a hurricane a-blowing? / Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Is the grisly reaper mowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing / 'Cause the rowers keep on rowing / And they're certainly not showing / Any signs that they are slowing.").

Now, I didn't think Johnny Depp would do a better job than Gene Wilder, and I was absolutely right. There just wasn't the same heart in the character... or any heart really. He was in fact a completely different character and I wasn't all that sure if I liked it. Freddie Highmore was adorable, I had nothing against him.

The ending seemed to run on a bit, and I much preferred the way the original ended, because there was a lot more heartbreak when Willy Wonka started screaming at him... Anyway, I suggest you go see this movie. Just DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT see this movie stoned. YOU WILL DIE.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Fantastic Four

Well... it started off well enough.

At the beginning I was still feeling the exitment of watching this movie, but the more Jessica Alba was on screen, the more I wondered why anyone thought she could act, and why they made Ioan Gruffud act like such a pussy when he was such a bad-ass in King Arthur. I had no problems with Michael Chiklis or Chris Evans, in fact, they're the only reasons I liked that movie at all.

Doom started off alright, but then he just got weird, and was nothing like he is in the comics. The more the movie kept running, the more corny it got, and the more I was just counting the seconds until Chris Evans came back on.

I'd say it was worth it to see the effects on the big screen... only there weren't really any effects worth seeing on the big screen. All-in-all, this is a movie you should wait to rent.

Howl's Moving Castle

It's my personal opinion (shared by many) that Hayao Miyazaki can do no evil. That, and adding the fact that they cast the lovely Christian Bale in this movie, I am of the opinion that this movie rocked! (Especially being that I saw it after such an attrocious movie like War of the Worlds)

I've never read the book (by Diana Wynne Jones), but the movie was great. It was very imaginative, and dare I say it, romantic. From the very beginning I was sucked into this world they created, and the characters (one voiced by Billy Crystal) kept me wanting to watch more.

Really there's nothing bad to say about this movie. You might not like it if you don't like anime all that much, though I think anyone could enjoy this for what it is.

And hey, Jean Simmons was in the english version (no, not the singer from Kiss, but the chick who played Ophelia opposite Lawrence Olivier)!

War of the Worlds


There are many bad things I can say about this, and sadly very few good things I can say. I loved the book. The book still remains one of my all-time favourites... but the movie was terrible.

Firstly, I was terribly bored. I wanted to see lots of explossions and battles, and got none. I wanted to see aliens, and all I got was tri-pod rip-offs of Independence Day.

Steven Spielberg simply reharshed Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Jurassic Park and figured he'd get away with it by using a famous book and a couple famous actors. This did not work. You felt nothing for Tom Cruise (possibly because the man's barking mad!), Dakota Fanning would not stop screaming, and I wanted to punch Justin Chatwin very, very badly. It was meant to be a family film, but I hated the family!

The book was absolutely butchered, the movie held onto very little from it. There was Ogilvy, and a shadow of the boat scene... and nothing that would entice anyone to want to see this movie again.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Cinderella Man

This was another movie where I was expecting it to suck, or at least expecting it to not live up to all the reviews, and this was another movie where I was proved wrong and came face to face with a really incredible movie. Ron Howard and Russell Crowe have made up for ‘A Beautiful Mind’ (FINALLY!!!)

I don’t really know how long I can go on spewing praise for this film – even RenĂ©e Zellweger who I think is far better in comedies than dramas was really good. Russell Crowe probably deserves another Oscar, and hey, why not give another to Ron while they’re at it?

One thing in particular that I need to rave about is the fighting in this film. I’ve mentioned before how all these movies are using the camera seizure technique. Well this movie did not. It allowed for wide shots and steady cameras, and man, that really makes a difference. I was actually getting into the fight scenes for once.

Batman Begins

I went into this movie not expecting a whole lot. In fact, I figured it would suck – especially after that terrible Joel Schumacher film (we dare not speak it’s name). My basic thoughts were: “How bad can it be? I’m in love with half of the cast!”

It exceeded all expectations - by far. The effects were great (and not overused like in some movies *caugh*StarWars*caugh*), the acting was great, the script was great, the scenery was great, and the music was phenomenal (and of course it is when one of my favourite composers – James Newton Howard – is involved. That, and there were four composers in all).

Now the fight scenes were a little… well the best word to describe them would be ‘shaky’. Lately I’ve been noticing that all new films have this camera ‘technique’ where during a fight the camera has a fucking seizure. My theory behind this is that people don’t want to choreograph fifty fights and to get away with using the same shit over and over again they shake the camera around so that all you see is shades of black and blue. The only fight where this worked was when Batman was fighting with the guys on the docks when he first starts up. The only fight where they didn’t use this (obscenely) is the sword fight on the ice, and so that fight is my favourite.

The last fight was boring as all fuck. I couldn’t see shit and was just waiting for them to get back to Gary Oldman driving the Batmobile – that right! Gary Oldman kicks ass! He could have played Batman (and definitely would have done a better job than Val Kilmer).

There was of course the obligatory car chase, but it was a car chase with the BATMOBILE! (Which, is by far the coolest Batmobile to date)

All in all a great fucking movie, go see it – GO SEE IT!!! And to Warner Brothers, make a sequel with this cast! You must make a sequel using this cast!!! DO IT NOW!!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

I wanted to wait until I went and saw some life changing award winning movie to make my first review, but most movies out nowadays suck and I ended up seeing 'Mr. & Mrs. Smith' which I rather liked, so I figured I'd start there.

Like I said before, I liked this movie. It was pretty much exactly what I had expected it to be, though I hadn't really expected it to be good.

It started off quietly enough, a few jokes here and there, of course the audience is just waiting for the explosions to start so after everything was set up it jumped right to Angelina Jolie in a dominatrix outfit.

Once they figured out they were both assasins the movie picked up quite a bit more, but it also tried to add drama in the movie which really didn't fit. It's a comedy, people want to laugh, trying to make them cry at the same time just confusses the masses. So the couple fights, and in a strange life imitates the arts, you have the two of them denying their loves for each other - but of course we all know it's there.

Then came the obligatory car chase, which you must come to expect in an action movie but they always bore me to tears. This one was different though, I'm not quite sure why, maybe it was because of the dialogue, and the humour, or the fact that Angelina Jolie was still not wearing pants, but I really enjoyed this particular car chase.

The ending of the movie seemed a little rushed, and the scene from the preview with Brad Pitt riding a tricycle shooting people has vanished. There was one visual that absolutely killed me, Brad Pitt interogating a teenager who's wearing a 'Fight Club' T-Shirt (if you don't get that, then you don't deserve to live).

All in all, good movie, go see it, or DIE!!! Or something...

Thursday, June 2, 2005


I wanted to create a new blog because my real Blog (and LiveJournal) were becoming rather cluttered with movie reviews and I figured being that most of the time I just wanted to write movie reviews anyway, maybe I should make a site where I could do that and not have to also go into what was happening in my life - making for long posts.

So nothing at the moment, but I'm going to try to write a review for every movie I see - I work on my writing whever I can.

Thanks for reading!